


Data Dump

by Nyena



Category: The Martian (2015), The Martian - All Media Types, The Martian - Andy Weir
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:20:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25522015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyena/pseuds/Nyena
Summary: " I'm getting data dumps again like when I was on the Hermes."
Comments: 22
Kudos: 71





	1. University Of  Chicago

To:M.watney@Nasa.gov  
From:Fgrant@uchicago.edu

Mr. Watney,  
This is Fred Grant the president of the University of Chicago. I contacted NASA to see if we could get a message to you. First of all let me say how proud we are that one of our alumni has quite literally reached for the stars. We wanted to wish you luck from all of us here in Chicago and from UofC. Our prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. We have no doubt that you can overcome any challenge that comes your way and will make it home. We are all hoping and praying for your safe return.  
-Fred Grant  
P.S When I mentioned that I was able to send a letter to you Dr. Norm, the head of our botany department, thought you might want to know that by definition, when you plant crops somewhere you have officially colonized it. So according to that logic you colonized Mars! 

Fred Grant  
President,University of Chicago  
Chicago,IL

To: Fgrant@uchicago.edu  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov 

Mr. Grant,  
HA! IN YOUR FACE NEIL ARMSTRONG!  
Mark Watney- UofC graduate, Ares astronaut and colonizer of Mars.

To: Fgrant@uchicago.edu  
From: V.Kapoor@Nasa.gov  
I thought you might want to have an update from your letter to Mark.  
He told us that he learned from you that by definition he colonized mars. This really increased his moral and he says “This is the best thing that school ever taught me” and he is now making us call him “Marcus Richard Watney colonizer of mars” he then makes a point to say that in Latin his name quite literally means “Of Mars” If you have any other messages to send to Mark send it to his email and we’ll happily forward it to him.  
-Venkat Kapoor  
Director of Mars operations  
Johnson Space Center Houston TX


	2. Ares 1 to Ares 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark gets a email from the first man on mars

To: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:G.Harris@Nasa.gov

Mark, this is Commander Greg Harris from Ares 1.  
Congratulations on getting pathfinder working that’s amazing! I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through up there,what must be going through your mind. When I stepped out of that MDV and onto the surface of Mars for the first time I was speechless and I had my lines pre written by NASA! You look at that every day it must be amazing and a hell of a sight. If anyone can get out of this situation it is you. You can do this, remember your training and follow your instincts; they will very rarely fail you. ’I’ve had a few conversations with your parents. They are great people and they love you and are so proud of you. The world is pulling for you Mark you got this. But seriously Mark, I have a bone to pick with you. WHAT THE HELL MAN! Are you gunning for my page in the history books! It’s supposed to be my name next to Neil Armstrong’s on that page not yours! Now I’m just going to be a footnote! “Mark Watney was an astronaut left behind on Mars and survived despite all odds, oh and Greg Harris was the first person to step foot on Mars you may want to know that.” You and I are going to have a little chat once you’re back to earth and out of quarantine. Good luck and Godspeed Mark.  
-Greg Harris  
P.S I hope my crew and I didn’t leave the place too much of a mess for you! 

To:G.Harris@Nasa.gov  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
Commander Harris,  
Thank you so much for your email, it really means a lot to me. You know I’m faced with spending four years here. I was thinking about that the other sol and I was wondering if I would ever get sick of the view when I step out of the airlock. My first thought was “Of course not Mark, you trained your entire life to be one of the first humans to see this view. How can you ever stop being amazed by that?” But if I’m being honest after my 1000th EVA to clean those damn solar cells well it’s a bunch of red rocks. That I’m looking at right now out the rover window as a matter of fact I’ll say hi for you. But to be honest what’s really going through my mind is “ How come aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals makes no sense. Honestly that has been haunting me for sols on end and it’s not I like I can just google it. See this is why I’m a Marvel fan. I want to say thank you for checking in on my mom and dad. They are total worry warts and it’s a load off of my mind knowing that there are people checking on and taking care of them. Hey “Thank you Mr. Armstrong” was a damn good line. As a kid I remember loving that and being one of the billions watching you and wishing they could be you. Speaking of which fun fact, did you know that when you plant crops somewhere you have officially colonized it? The good people at The University of Chicago told me that neat little fact so technically....I colonized Mars so in your and Neil Armstrong’s faces! Sorry if colonizing a planet beats being the first person to step on it. Just can’t be helped.  
-Mark Wantey, colonizer of Mars and the best botanist on this planet.  
P.S. Greg Harris who?


	3. It’s totally manly and normal for me to cling to a letter from my mom.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But my favorite email was the one from my mother. It’s exactly what you’d expect. Thank God you’re alive, stay strong, don’t die, your father says hello, etc. I read it fifty times in a row. Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m not a mama’s boy or anything […] It’s totally manly and normal for me to cling to a letter from my mom. It’s not like I’m some homesick kid at camp, right?

To M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:Rwatney@gmail.com

Mark, It’s mom and dad  
Oh honey we love you so much and are so happy you are alive! We are so proud of you and all of the things that you are doing. I wish we could help you but we know that you are so capable and strong. We know that you can handle anything that Mars has to throw at you. How are you honey? It has been quite a rollercoaster ride for us. You are all anyone on earth is talking about from Colbert to Fallon or Connan your name is on every show every night. CNN has a half hour every day dedicated to keeping people up to date on your situation called “Watney Watch.” Extreme Botany has even been trending on twitter ever since NASA got your note. People come up to us everywhere we go and ask us if we have any information on you or say that they went to school with you. Dean Kent even called us up. We have even had to have the cops stay outside of the house a few nights to keep the reporters at bay. It’s been crazy but Annie Montrose has been a wonderful help to us and keeps the press satisfied. your dad says hi and says to tell you it’s your fault that all we have had to eat is lasagna from the neighbors so he’s pretty damn mad at you. Stay strong. We are so proud of you and love you so much. We can’t wait until you are home again and we will write again soon  
Love mom and dad.

To:RWatney@gmail.com  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.Gov  
Mom and dad,  
I am so happy to hear from you guys I’ve missed you so much! You have no idea how happy I am to finally be in contact with you. It’s been hard as all hell and I’ve been utterly terrified and exhausted the entire time and lonely but I have bigger problems here. Remember when I asked you guys for recommendations on what I should put on my media stick that I could take up to the Hermes? Well that’s where mine is...up on the Hermes. For some reason I didn’t bring it down for surface ops. I have no idea why I was so stupid! I know exactly where it is too! It's in my bag of personals with the foul ball I caught at that Cubs game I always bring to space with me , which is sitting on my bed in my bunk room, on the Hermes, just siting there mocking me for forgetting it. I have the crew's media but they all SUCK Beck brought Medical Journals, the nerd. Martenez didn’t bring anything, Vogel’s stuff is all in German, Johannson brought a bunch of Agatha Christie's and Beatles music and worst of all the good commander brought.....Disco and 70’s sitcoms. For those of you keeping track at home that leaves me with boring ass medical journals, Agatha Christie, The Beatles, Three’s company and DISCO. With my extreme botany and mad scientist chemistry I may not starve to death but I do risk dying from overexposure to disco music. You have no idea how much downtime I have, it's so much damn free time and disco is driving me insane! Seriously, I asked NASA if they could send up anything else but they said the music files are just too big let alone anything else so I’m stuck with the commander's terrible taste in entertainment. I Should have vandalized and looted a lander with a higher transfer rate. People are assholes, tell them to back off and leave you alone or I’ll kick their asses when I get back. Dean Kent? He was the DM for our DnD group in High school. I hadn’t thought about him in years...wow I guess humanity loves a drama. Did you just use the words Annie Montrose and wonderful in the same sentence? She’s...well you know she is kind of my boss right? Because I’m well, was the crew member in charge of media I trained with her a lot. She is really something, gives mom’s and my mouth a run for our money but for one of our training sessions we did end up getting beers and watching youtube so she’s not that bad almost makes me feel bad for the photo that I sent back to earth. I should have given her something to work with but it was pretty damn funny did it turn out I obviously haven’t seen it sooo. Do you think if I get back I’ll have to go on all of those Late Night shows because I’m living through hell right now and thinking about that it seems like it would be an even worse hell. Remember that Christmas when Mom was in the hospital with pneumonia? I still call that the christmas of lasagna because that's all the neighbors brought us when they found out it was just dad and me at home. I still shudder when I remember that I don’t think I ate lasagna for a year. NASA rations aren’t fantastic but they are amazing compared to Mrs. Smith's lasagna. Sorry I subjected you guys to that...my bad. Anyway I’m sick of being stuck in this rover. My legs are killing me from sitting so long so I need to get back to the hab and walk around plus earth is going to set soon. They can get a message from earth to mars but they can’t get it a few more feet to the hab, well I love you guys so much!  
-Mark  
P.S. Sorry about ruining thanksgiving by you know, dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One Christmas my mom broke her leg and arm and the amount of lasagna our neighbors and church brought us....  
> I still can't look at it.


	4. The President

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark gets an email from the president and discovers that he is a nerd.

To:M.watney@nasa.gov  
From:presidentBailie@whitehouse.gov  
Mark, This Is President Franklin Bailie. How are you son? I want to say that you are an example of American strength and determination to the entire world. An example of the same determination that took us to the moon in July of 1969. I know that you will continue to show this determination and strength and make it home alive and well. As it was in 1970 with Apollo 13 the country and the world is united in its efforts to bring you home. Throughout its long and arduous history NASA has shown it is capable of amazing deeds and success and I have no doubt that your situation will be no different. Rest assured that no expense will be spared until you are home safe and sound. This is a time for courage but you will do what is hard and you will achieve what is great. Remember Mark, every time we think we’ve measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and realize that that capacity may well be limitless and we reach for the stars.  
Godspeed son and may He bless and keep you  
-President Bailie

To: presidentBailie@whitehouse.gov  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
President Bailie, Wow getting an email from you is quite an honor, thank you sir. Your email has to be one of the best ones that I have received... after the one from my mom and the one from my college telling me I had officially colonized mars. Sorry but finding out you colonized a planet beats a letter from the President. It’s been hard but my spirits are the highest they have been since Sol 6 but I have more important things on my mind like, I’m going to be here for years what am I supposed to do about my taxes? Another thought that has been pestering me is the fact that it’s 2035 and Ares 4 doesn’t land for 4 years. It’s a six month trip back and a month of surface ops meaning that by the time I’m back earth side there is a good chance I’ll miss the 2040 census causing a miscount. Man my brain is weird. Thank you so much for your message, it really means a lot.  
-Mark Watney 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:presidentBailie@whitehouse.gov  
Mark,  
Since you are most definitely out of the country I will be more than happy to give you an extension on your taxes. As for the census I will personally see to it that you are counted.  
God bless,  
-President Bailie 

To:presidentBailie@whitehouse.gov  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
Did you just quote Apollo 13? Now I’m really glad I voted for you.  
-Mark Watney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I steal the last two sentences in the presidents first email from "The West Wing" and its fantastic writer Aaron Sorkin? yes, shamelessly. However, he also says while paraphrasing T.S Eliot “Good writers borrow from other writers. Great writers steal from them outright.”


	5. Bossy Beck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark wrote letters to the crew but did they right back?

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:C.Beck@Nasa.gov  
Hey man, I am super glad to hear that you are doing well and that NASA is finally letting us talk. It sounds like they have a good rescue plan. As the person who was supposed to keep you healthy and safe and the fact that it was my declaring you dead that finally convinced the commander to get to the MAV with the rest of us and launch I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible for your situation but I have no doubt that you are capable of getting out of this situation. As for Johanssen... Have I been THAT damn obvious! I don’t know what to do man. I’m 95% sure that she feels the same way but if she doesn’t and I bring it up the only place to go is out an airlock, which won’t be a problem because that’s where Lewis will throw me if she finds out. You were there for that “Little chat”. You’re right I’ll just have to hold out for a few more months and when we land I can bring it up, then if she says no I can run away and live in the woods for the rest of my life. Good luck Mark.  
P.S. Eat more fiber and do more stretching exercises. Your body is important.  
-Dr. Bossy Beck 

To:C.Beck@Nasa.Gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.Gov  
Wow man. Okay lots to unpack here first being, WHAT THE HELL! No no you are NOT responsible for my situation. You had every reason to think that I was dead. You saw me tumble down a hill with a spear in my chest and saw my biomonitor go flat, not to mention that my decompression alarm went off. Everything told you that I was dead and you had no reason to not believe that. Hold up “Convinced the commander to get to the MAV with the rest of us”? Don’t tell me that she stayed out in that storm and tried to look for me! Damn do regulations mean nothing to her? It’s Ares rule 1! If a crewman dies on mars he stays on mars and I was dead dead dead. Since I don’t need to follow social rules anymore I’m writing her a strongly worded letter asking what the hell. Speaking of Lewis and Johanssen that was way more than just “A little chat” I’m pretty sure there were threats of bodily harm involved which brings me to my next point, YES YOU ARE THAT OBVIOUS I HAVE EYES AND OF COURSE I’M RIGHT! You can’t be trapped in a spaceship with her for months with that hanging in the air. My next and final point you’re a nerd. Why would you bring medical journals to mars! I mean I still read them but you’re still a nerd also, I hate you but you’re right. I wish you were here to crack my back. Being trapped in the rover for days on end getting pathfinder and hauling rocks really did a number on it.  
To reiterate:  
1: My situation is NOT your fault.  
2: DON’T say anything to Johanssen you don’t want to deal with the fallout.  
3: You’re a nerd who’s only good for cracking my back.  
Miss you guys get home safe  
-Mark

To: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From: C.Beck@Nasa.gov  
Mark,  
Thank you but I still feel like it’s my fault. I took an oath to do no harm and to do what is best for those in my care and my declaration went against that oath in several places so though you don’t feel that way I do and always will. Damn If you know about Johanssen who else knows? Do you think Lewis knows because as a man of medicine I can confirm that there were definitely threats of bodily harm in that “Little chat” I’m going to go hide in my bunk room now. Speaking of which we need our engineer man Martinez has mentioned that his bunk room is heating up and he can’t figure out what it is. It’s strange.  
You got this man.  
-Beck 

To:C.Beck@Nasa.gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
Do I need to threaten to send you an email everyday that says “MARK’S SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT” because I had to with the commander and I'll do it. You said it yourself man, “Do the best for those in your care” well you had and have 4 other people in your care and you did what was best for them. As for Lewis, you can only pray she doesn’t know. The bunks? Is it just one of them? The first thing that comes to mind is the cooling elements in between the rooms but that’s built into the hull and you can’t get to it. It’s designed to be replaced in the overhaul between missions so it makes sense it’s acting up. You’re almost home so it’s towards the end of it’s lifespan nothing to worry about.  
Stop kicking yourself and start thinking about what you’re going to say to Johanssen when you get home.  
-Mark


	6. Beth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johanssen writes Mark back.

From: E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
To: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
Mark, Do you think that I’m a nerd? I couldn’t tell. Why did you have to make me think about those posters! That was the worst day ever. It took hours and your doing ridiculous poses and asking if you should go for “coquettish ingénue” to make us laugh didn’t help it only made it go longer! I hadn’t thought about creeps buying my poster so thanks for that image Mark. Lewis told you guys not to hit on me? I’ll admit that I was worried when I found out Lewis was the only other girl but you guys are fantastic. I didn’t think she’d talked with you guys though. I can’t, Mark I’m sorry. I think of you as my older brother and you were right next to me during the Sol six storm, I should have been faster and grabbed you. I could have helped you. If I’d been fast enough you would be here on the Hermes with the rest of us. I'm sorry Mark, your entire situation is my fault but I know you will get home safe.

To: E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov

Bethy Jo! What's up! How are you tiny? I love hearing from my favorite member of the only child club. I always forget that your full name is Elizabeth not Beth so I get really confused when I see the E.Johanssen but then I go Johanssen? NASA? BETH!  
Lewis had a really serious “little Chat” with us. It was pretty scary actually. We had only been training as a crew for a few weeks when she texted us and asked us to come in early. I take it back it wasn’t scary it was terrifying there were threats of bodily harm involved. She told us not to tell you about the meeting but I don’t have to follow social rules anymore. Do I need to add you to my list of people who I need to email every day and say “MARK’S SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT” so far the CC list has Lewis,Beck and now you. You’re like what 105 pounds soaking wet? I’m not a big guy but I’m easily twice that with a suit on, I’m not saying you’re not strong but there is no way that you could have grabbed me. Even if by some miracle you could have stopped 200+LBS flying past you there would still be the little detail of me launching with a spear in my chest. The only reason that I’m still alive is because of the ridiculously lucky way that I landed there is nothing that you could have done and it’s NOT YOUR FAULT! We have more important things to talk about though like that day we took those poster pictures. The photographer was taking forever and wouldn’t accept any of the shots that he got! Everyone was getting pissed, even Lewis so I needed to get people laughing and it worked! It relaxed people and we got the shot so don’t tell me I’m not funny. I think of you as a sister so my first act as your official older brother is to give you a noogie and tell you that if you keep telling yourself that my situation is your fault I’ll tell on you to our space mom. 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov

You wouldn’t dare! Thank you Mark you always know what to say and how to get people to laugh and feel better. 

To:E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.gov

No Thank you for your laptop full of books, Beatles and hexadecimals. The hexadecimals may have saved my life but you know I have to make fun of you for having ‘Leather Goddesses of Phobos” on there right? Nerd.  
Miss you Tiny. 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov

YOU WENT THROUGH MY STUFF! 

TO::E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
From: M.Watney@Nasa.gov

Of course what are older brothers for?   
P.S. How do you get past the catacomb level? 

To: E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
CC: M.Lewis@Nasa.gov, C.Beck@Nasa.gov

MARK’S SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT!


	7. I guess that makes me a space pirate.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Martian law 101 space piracy and you.

To:RWatney@gmail.com  
From:M.watney@nasa.gov

Dad, okay I have a really weird question, a law question you’re a lawyer so you are the best person to ask. I've been thinking since no one can own a planet what laws apply to me while I'm here? My brain goes to really weird places and this has been driving me insane. 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.Gov  
From:Rwatney@gmail.com

Mark, now you have me thinking so I did some research for you. There are several treaties on this topic three of which apply to your situation. They are the “Outer Space Treaty” or the “Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of States in the Exploration and Use of Outer Space, including the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies” and the “Moon treaty” or “The Agreement Governing the Activities of States on the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies” (Which America has not signed). These say no one can claim ownership of anything in space that they didn't put there and according to “The United Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea” Mars could....ummm technically be under maritime law. It is a bit of a stretch but if we apply these treaties with a loose hand when you are in the hab or in a Rover you are in something that we put there so American law would apply but when you step out of the Rover or hab you are on Mars which which could be international waters thus you are under Maritime law. Because you are not always in the hab or rover it would switch back and forth depending on whether you were doing an EVA or not. Why are you thinking about this? Planning on breaking any martian laws there because it would be kind of hard for me to defend you against a council of Martians while I'm stuck on earth.  
Stay strong love you -Dad

To:RWatney@gmail.com  
From:M.Watney@nasa.gov

That’s kind of what I thought and it’s pretty cool when you think about it. Ha I’m under American law oh now it’s maritime law oh it’s back to American now! Like I said I have so much damn free time here so my mind goes to some weird places so no I'm not planning on breaking any Martian laws. Rest assured that I am being a good little law abiding Martian so while it's appreciated your services won't be needed. Also, wow you went full on lawyer mode on me here. You actually had fun researching this, you stayed late at the office and everything didn’t you? How the hell did you get mom to marry you, you’re such a dork. You can figure out all of this law shit but when I try to voice call you from the ISS you hang up because the three second delay makes you think it's a telemarketer. 

To:M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From:Rwatney@gmail.com

So what if I did and what if I used some of the work day too? I also might have had Clara help me. I’m proud of you. It's important to brush up on places laws when you go for a visit. As for how I got your mother to marry me...hypnosis. No other way she would have married a dork like me. IT'S HARD TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE OKAY! I want to talk to you but I also really hate telemarketers okay.  
Love you -Dad

To:Rwatney@gmail.com  
From:M.Watney@nasa.gov

Nasa had to put the ISS's number in your phone so you would know if I was calling! Wait so not only did you stay late you used your work hours AND you got your law partner to help you and used hers too?  
Man I miss you guys.

To:M.watney@nasa.gov  
From:Rwatney@gmail.com 

Miss you too kiddo.  
Love you so much. You’re so brave  
-Love dad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean he had to learn all of the law stuff somehow right so why not make his dad a lawyer.  
> Fun fact, when Chris Hadfield commander of the ISS tried to call his wife she hung up because the delay made her think it was telemarketers. Nasa really did have to put the number in her phone so she could see "Space" whenever he called.


	8. Beth and Beck

To:M.watney@Nasa.gov  
From:E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov

Mark I’m sorry if this puts you in an awkward situation but I need to know. You mentioned the chat that Lewis had with you guys about not hitting on me and that got me thinking so I have to ask you a question. Do you know what's up with Chris? He said you've been emailing. I mean I know that we are friends. All of us are closer than most friends. He has just been acting really weird like I come into the rec to get some food and even if he’s just put his food in to rehydrate he just leaves without a word If I'm in the lab and he comes in he’ll turn around and go into his bunk and that's just not Chris you know? I’m worried about him...okay I can’t dance around it anymore do you know what he thinks about me? 

To:E.Johanssen@Nasa.gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.gov

Okay, he's being an idiot. I'm going to have to be his wingman from Mars. (Another 1st!)   
He has a huge crush on you like a major school girl crush. I wouldn't be surprised if you found Dr. Chris Johanssen written on his lab reports surrounded by hearts but he's too scared to make a move with Lewis watching and he's worried you'll laugh at him. I’m only telling you this because it's pretty damn obvious you have a crush on him too and I'm sick of your guys pining after each other. Honestly, the guy is pathetic in his emails. Do what you want with this information you're an adult, a tiny adult but still. However, if you do something DON’T LET LEWIS KNOW! Chris could get in so much trouble if she knew, you have no idea. You would be fine I think you could get away with mutiny. She's always had a soft side for you but not when it comes to us guys. I mean we can be gross but still. 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov   
From:C.Beck@Nasa.gov

Did you talk with Johanssen or something because she just came into my bunk and kissed me like, just burst in. I was in my bunk writing a letter home on personal time and then bam. Well I guess I know how she feels now. N   
Thanks, wingman.

To:C.Beck@Nasa.gov  
From:M.watney@Nasa.gov

Yeah she emailed me and told me you were acting like a thirteen year old at a school dance. No problem man but honestly it was just as much for everyone else as it was for you two. I can’t Imagine being stuck on the Hermes with you two just pining after each other the entire time I was just saving the others.   
Mark Watney, Botanist, Ares astronaut, colonizer of Mars, and the best space dating service this side of the milky way.


	9. Martinez

From:R.Martinez@Nasa.gov  
To:M.watney@Nasa.gov

Hey man, How’s Mars? I'm sorry we left you behind but the Hermes just seems a ton bigger without you and we don't have to look at your ugly mug everyday so we decided it was for the best. About your parents no. Seriously man you'll be able to talk to them and tell them all about our trip yourself don't worry about that. I can’t imagine what you're thinking but don’t think that way don’t give up. I’d tell you you’re my best friend too and that's why I don’t want you to give up but that’d be even lamer than what you said. Plus the only reason I want you to get back is so I don’t have to find another babysitter for David. Who else can I call on a Friday night and know that they are going to free and not have plans.  
-Love you man 

To:R.Martinez@Nasa.gov  
From:M.watney@nasa.gov

I don’t know, you’re pretty lame. I’m not giving up just covering all of my bases, it's what I do I can’t afford not to. The one day I didn't I ended up blowing myself up. I have every intention of getting home. I just know that Mars has different intentions and is big enough to take me to a back alley and beat me up but, if I’m going down I’m not going down without a fight or giving it my all. Okay enough sappy talk. Who gets on a literal spaceship knowing that they are going to be gone for over a year and says “ Nah you know what I’m good I don’t need to bring any entertainment.” I don’t blame you for my situation but I do blame you for trapping me with only the commanders disco and 70’s sitcoms to watch and listen to. I may be single now but when I get back to Earth I’m going to be like super famous and I’ll have all the.... NO SERIOUSLY  
YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT SOMETHING YOU ASSHOLE!

To:M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From:R.Martinez@Nasa.gov

I’m not the lame one you are. I’m rubber and you’re glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you. I’m glad to hear it man. It’s cheesy but I like you and you’re a great friend and all that shit. Before I go on I need to insert the mandatory digital media isn’t the only form of entertainment joke and HEY you know that Nasa has our time scheduled down to the minute! I figured that I wouldn’t have time to lounge around and watch tv all day like some people. Wait did you think that you were going to be able to say that you blew yourself up without me needing more information? What the hell man? 

To:R.Martinez@Nasa.gov  
From:M.watney@nasa.gov

Oh yeah? Well if you’re rubber you better bounce on outta here, 'cause I don't want you sticking around. Maybe I chose to stay behind on purpose because I don’t like you. But seriously dude, you know that Nasa has literal “Personal Time” worked into our schedules right? Or did you just ignore that part when it came up on your schedules? On the topic of blowing myself up....yeah I did that. I was reducing hydrazine over the catalyst and burning it to make water and kind of ended up miscalculating the O2. long story short, I blew myself up but I got plenty of water. It was enough for the farm so I guess it worked out. 

To:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From:R.Martinez@Nasa.gov

WHAT THE HELL! Lewis is calling me so I need to go but don’t think you’ve heard the end of this you’re not going to get away with blowing yourself up.


	10. Lewis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark tell the commander what he really thinks.

To:M.Lewis@Nasa.gov  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
Commander,   
I don’t have to follow social rules anymore so that means that I can get away with saying this but I still want you to know that what I am going to say is still said with the utmost respect for you,your authority and command and that is Ma’am, WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL! Through emailing with you guys and sorting through my own thoughts and memories of sol six I think I have a pretty good timeline of the storm even after I passed out. Through those emails I have come to the conclusion that you 1: stayed out in the storm after the rest of the crew made it to the MAV while it was tipping and 2: you ordered them to launch without you if it fully tipped! Honestly ma’am, I don’t know what to say I’m simultaneously pissed off and honored that you would ignore regulations like that just for me and that you would risk your own life for mine. I still stand with what I said. I in no way hold you responsible for my situation. You did everything exactly right and I’ll tell you that until I’m blue in the face.

To: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From: M.Lewis@nasa.gov  
Funny I’m in my bunk looking at my mission plans and it says right here on the cover that I’m the mission commander and last time I checked that means I can do whatever the hell I want. 

To: M.Lewis@nasa.gov  
From: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
Smartass. I’ll say it again “MARK’S SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT”   
I’ve known you for years and I know that nothing I can say will change your mind but that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to try to convince you it’s not your fault. But then again maybe I don’t know you as well as I thought I did because I would not have pegged you as a disco person. I mean an ABBA song every once in a while is great who doesn’t love “dancing queen or mama Mia” but when that’s everything you brought! You sat down at your computer with your data stick and thought “Yes this playlist of 70’s music is perfect to bring to Mars and that’s all I’m bringing.” WHO DOES THAT! What if we had been held hostage by hostile Martians and that was the only music from earth that we had to give them? I'm sure they would end up nuking us in order to put us out of our misery. 

To: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From: M.Lewis@Nasa.gov  
No, I think they would gift us their knowledge and superior technology in thanks for giving them such wonderful music not to mention television because I’m sure you’d give them my tv as well.

To: M.Lewis.nasa.gov  
From: M.Watney@nasa.gov   
Did you just make a joke? Did I just get the commander of Ares 3 to make a joke? Who are you and what have you done with Lewis. If getting stuck on Mars is what it takes to get you to start making jokes it’s worth it. No, I wouldn’t give them the tv shows at first. I’m planning to keep it as a bargaining chip whether that is a “ You thought that music was bad well unless you let me go I’ll show you something worse” or a “If you nuke earth I’ll force you to watch this” situation is yet to be seen. Seriously though, thank you for everything for looking for me, being an amazing commander but MY SITUATION IS NOT YOUR FAULT!


	11. Alex Vogel super villain

From:Alex.V@ESA.gov   
To:M.Watney@nasa.gov

Mark, guten tag. I have put quite a bit of thought into your last letter. When you combine the fact that I am a chemist with the fact that I have been to Mars it does make a compelling case for me being a supervillain but the most important part I think is the fact that I shave my head and have several cats the fact that am also blond when I have hair probably does not help either. Perhaps more important we talk about your water? Rick tells me you created this by separating hydrogen from hydrazine? This is extremely clever but this is also something I would not have attempted in a million years let alone in a presser sealed habitat on Mars. Being on Mars brings another question to mind where did you get the fire needed to burn the hydrogen and oxygen? 

To:Alex@ESA.gov  
From:M.Watney@nasa.gov

Hallo! I’m doing as good as can be expected, tired but good thanks for asking. See you don’t even deny being a super villain you just pile on even more evidence. No, having blond hair doesn’t help. Us blond guys tend to be evil Draco Malfoy, Johnny Lawrence from the karate kid and Biff from Back to the future the list goes on and on. Hmm water where do I start? Well my masters degree in Botany makes me pretty sure plants need water to grow and I didn’t have enough but I knew the recipe and dire situations call for drastic measures. Obviously everything didn’t go so smoothly though because I blew myself up but it worked. As for how I got the fire? No design by NASA can get around a determined arsonist with a can of pure oxygen. 

To: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From: A.Vogel@ESA.gov

That you are in a dire situation is I think an understatement. It is also very true that with pure oxygen and a little patience and perseverance you can set fire to practically anything but you would need a constant flame for this no? Keeping the correct amount of oxygen flowing for this would be extremely difficult am I to assume this is where as you say you blew yourself up? 

To: A.Vogel@ESA.gov  
From: M.Watney@nasa.gov

Well, yes and no. The oxygen was where things went wrong but it wasn’t what you think. I’m not as good as you. I couldn’t keep a constant flame going by only burning oxygen without killing myself so I had to come up with a different way. Don’t tell Martinez but I got the constant flame from pointing oxygen at and burning his cross which I chipped up into splinters. So burning constant oxygen wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I’m an idiot and didn’t calculate for the oxygen that I was exhaling. That oxygen reacted with the hydrazine that had somehow got past the holy flame and well boom. Chemistry may be a sloppy bitch but luckily there wasn’t much oxygen left for it to react with so it wasn’t a very large explosion and didn’t pop the hab just gave me a hell of a headache and sore back (Yay for Beck's medical supplies!). So I guess I get to “Live another sol” starring Commander Lewis as Bond, Mark Watney as Q and Alex Vogel as the non descript evil blond German.

To: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From: Alex.V@ESA.gov

You are not an Idiot quite the contrary in fact. An idiot would not have even had the idea to reduce hydrazine and you more or less did this successfully. Blowing ourselves up is how we learn in chemistry, no? I myself have done this several times. It is terrifying and painful but a wonderful teacher. If you were to reduce hydrazine again you would not forget to calculate for exhaled oxygen would you. This is not a mistake you will make again. Good luck Mark

To: A.Vogel@esa.gov  
From: M.watney@nasa.gov

Only a super villain would say that they have blown themselves up before and learned from it. Just saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the break between updates I'm having a hard time comping up with ideas on who could write Mark so if you guys have any ideas let me know!


	12. I wonder how the Cubs are doing

To: M.Watney@Nasa.gov  
From: JTrimnal@gmail.com  
Mark, this is Jordan Trimnal the starting pitcher of the Chicago Cubs. We hear you’re a pretty big fan and we wanted to drop you a line and I was lucky enough to get to write to you. We just wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers and we know you’ll be able to make it out of this. Also, maybe the most important thing and kind of the entire reason I wanted to write to you is to ask you if you’ll throw the opening pitch of the season for us when you get back?  
-Jordan Trimnal  
P.S I have to pass on the conversation I had with one Venkat Kapoor on the phone when we contacted NASA to see if we could get a message to you.  
Venkat: You want to get a message to Mark? Well we can do that but I’ll need to know what it’s about.  
Me: Just a good luck message and my manager and I want to ask if he’ll throw the opening pitch for us when he gets back.  
Venkat: Perfect just what his ego needs.  
Good luck Mark.  
To: JTrimnal@gmail.com  
From: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
Mr. Trimnal, wow holy shit I don’t know what to say! I’ve been a Cubs fan since well as long as I can remember. I was born and raised in Chicago but I’ve lived in Texas for quite a few years because I’ve been working with NASA and training at JSC and JPL but wherever I am the Cubs will always be my team even if I’m not on earth. As a matter of fact the last time you guys were in the world series I was serving a tour on the ISS. We got NASA to do us a solid and send us up the games to the station. It took some convincing but I got our commander to let us watch them on the projector that we have on the station and have a game night. Literally sitting in freefall watching you pitch a near perfect game was pretty epic. I remember during that night I was closest to the window on the module we were set up in and we were coming up on a sunrise (which happens about every 90 minutes on the ISS ) so our commander asked me to close it. As I go to close it I remember thinking “Wow Mark your life is weird you’re floating in a trillion dollar international space ship going 1700 miles an hour and you’re closing the window so you can watch a baseball game.” As for throwing the opening pitch... I’d love to but mars is pretty sparse on baseballs and I left mine on the Hermes. I mean that literally I caught a homerun ball when I was around 10 at a game with my dad and I have brought it to space with me every time I go for good luck. I guess this proves it’s lucky because look what happened when I didn’t have it. No, I would be honored to but only when my bone density is back to normal and I’ve had a chance to practice oh and you have to promise not to laugh at me because I haven’t pitched since little league. That sounds just like Venkat he's the director of Mars operations so I bet he is pretty sick of me these days.... oh shit the more I think about it the poor guy maybe I'll be less of a bitch...maybe. Probably not.  
-Mark To: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
From: JTrimnal@gmail.com  
Mark,  
I remember that game! Didn’t you make an Instagram post of you guys watching the game?  
Because something about that rings a bell but that is pretty awesome sounds like you had an awesome commander too. If you promise to get back safe and sound and heal up I promise not to laugh at your pitching. I'll even give you a few pointers

To: JTrimnal@gmail.com  
From: M.Watney@nasa.gov  
Mr. Trimnal,  
I think so. That was the tour where I was put in charge of the social media accounts and taking a cheesy photo and tagging you in it 100% sounds like something I would do. Especially if I was supposed to be cleaning something on the station. I was probably supposed to be checking the air quality and cleaning surfaces in the lab or something. Yeah Commander Davies ran a tight ship but was a cool guy sucked at scrabble too got mad when I used Latin names of plants but he was ruthless with Uno. Thank you for your message really made my day. Win a few this season for me.  
-Mark


	13. Mark's younger cousin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey kiddo,  
> Yeah I can see who the emails are from. They may have to go through a probe older than you are and I have to go out to the rover to read them but I can still see who they are from.

To:M.Watney@NASA.Gov  
From:CWatney@gmail.com

Hi Mark!  
I don’t know if you can see my email so this is your cousin Conner. What the hell! You were supposed to be back for Christmas so you could tell us all of your stories from the trip and keep aunt Sarah from telling us the Italy story again. I mean I did get to skip school when you died and got out of a science paper so thanks. I’m writing this email during science class because it’s really boring and I have nothing else to do. How are you doing? I really miss you and can’t get anyone else to go to cubs games with. They really sucked. Last year we finished at the bottom of the NL central. It was really painful to watch. You have no idea how famous you are. I’ve even gotten stopped at school when people recognize that we have the same last name.  
PS quick question how do compasses work and what are the two main elements that make up the universe? We get extra credit if we can tell our teacher without using google. 

To:CWatney@gmail.com  
From:M.Watney@NASA.org 

Hey kiddo,  
Yeah I can see who the emails are from. They may have to go through a probe older than you are and I have to go out to the rover to read them but I can still see who they are from. Pay attention in class you asshole I speak from experience when I say you never know when something will save your life. Sorry about dying and not saving you from aunt Sarah but hey I guess getting out of school makes up for it.  
Hey! I just converted sols into their earth date and realized that you had a birthday! You’re 13 now that’s crazy. Happy birthday!  
I’m doing alright thanks for asking. I’m actually really bored believe it or not which I guess is good. Speaking of things that are older than you and me actually. Guess what TV I have to watch? My commanders and she has nothing but crappy 70’s shows....it sucks. Uggg I know the Cubs finished at the bottom, Venkat Kapoor told me. Speaking of the Cubs, guess who I got an email from? Jordan Trimal! He sent me an email asking if I would throw the opening pitch for them when I get back! How cool is that?  
Yeah mom and dad said that people are getting obsessed with me and they keep getting stopped. I’m sorry it’s gotten down to you though, you have my permission to tell them I’ll kick their asses when I’m back.  
To answer your questions which I hope get back to you in time because being light minutes away sucks.  
1: Earth has a magnetic field that is strongest at the poles that the needle is magnetized to find.  
2: Hydrogen and helium. They were made in the big bang. 

I miss you too kiddo, I’ll see you soon.

Your cool cousin and space google coming to you all the way from Mars  
-Mark

To:M.Watney@NASA.Gov  
From:CWatney@Gmail.com

THE JORDAN TRIMAL! THAT’S SO COOL! You’re going to do it right and you’ll take me to the game right? RIGHT! You better. Do you get to keep the ball and meet Jordan? You’ll get me an autograph right! I’ll never forgive you if you don’t take me with you.  
Your email got back in time and I got them right! It was so cool until we watched one of your videos from the ISS then things got awkward but I got the extra credit! Thanks Mark you’re the coolest cousin ever!  
-Conner

To:CWatney@Gmail.com  
From:M.Watney@Nasa.Gov

Yes THE Jordan Trimal. I said that I’d do it but that’s all that I know and if it happens I’ll take you kiddo. It wouldn’t be a Cubs game without you. I’m glad you got the extra credit. I’m sorry things are weird for you guys down there it must be really awkward.  
Okay now that I answered a question for you I need you to google something for me.  
How come Aquaman can control whales? They’re mammals, makes no sense. I asked Commander Harris but he didn’t answer.... I got ghosted by the first person on mars.  
-Mark


End file.
